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DVD Review: “Star Paws” Is A Failure Of Galactic Proportions

[yasr_overall_rating]
 

The battle between Cats and Dogs goes Galactic! An evil kitten known as Adventure Cat, and his army of cloned kitties, seeks to find an ancient bone with magical powers to take over the galaxy. It’s up to an elite group of space dogs, headed by the intrepid General Ruff, to beat the kittens to the bone.

“Star Paws” has a colorful cover and potential for a plot capable of captivating children. Then you turn the movie on. You notice the repetition of the word ‘bone’ and ‘time machine’ and want to fast forward to the end. The animal voices grate on your nerves in minutes, not seconds. The cat’s shrill voices are also out of sync. The dogs are real but sadly not cute, cuddly dogs like labs, but matching poodles. Within minutes your children will be begging for the movie to be turned off. Adults will be ready to turn the film off within seconds of pressing the triangular button. While the computerized galaxy scenes are quite fetching, they are not enough to redeem this film.

With the introduction of Adventure Kitty, we learn of the cat’s desire to rule the entire solar system. The race is on between cat and dog for a bone of galactic proportions. The species to find the bone will rule, but first the animals must travel back in the time to the age of dinosaurs. Somehow, this bone will make the person who possesses it all powerful. Adventure Kitty created hundreds of clones to fight the dogs from reaching the bone first. Meanwhile, General Ruff, the leader of the dogs, works to create a time machine to retrieve the bone before the evil kitties get their paws on the dinosaur bone. Adventure Cat also plots to make a time machine. Apparently, time machines are made out of colored bits of plastic, aluminum foil, calculators, and toys.

The dogs finish the time machine, with the help of Dr. Bone, and find themselves stuck in a time loop preventing their successful capture of the bone. In the past, chickens have already managed to return to visit their ancestors, the dinosaurs. General Ruff seeks out the chicken who previously created a time machine to find out how to get out of the time loop and avoid becoming stuck in the past forever. The dogs finally get out of the time loop and end up in the middle of the Civil War. Finally, the dogs make their way to the land of the talking dinosaurs. Adventure Cat finds a way into the lab and steals the time machine to get the bone first; unaware two dogs are already there on mission. The race is on with a list of dinosaur facts for children to learn. Adventure Cat manages to be a step ahead of the Mutts and steals the bone. Dr. Bone, however, has a plan to defeat the evil cat with one minor snafu.

Every aspect of this films appears to have been created by a couple of eight-year-old boys. Or maybe the family cat and dog decided to use their overactive imagination with Star Wars toys and created this movie by accident. The time machine is made out of aluminum foil, stickers, and glow sticks. Every screen is reused multiple times. The word bone is repeated at least one thousand times. The only redeeming quality of this film is the semi-educational information about dinosaurs, but this could be garnered from several other shows and movies that are actually worth watching. The main cat, Adventure Cat, has a bizarre shrill voice, which he shares with hundreds of clones. The dinosaur’s portrayed as brainless, like Dory with less intelligence. The dogs are not quite so harrowing to sit through except for the repeated scene of dogs in déjà vu scenes and severely lacking script, even when the audience is under the age of five.

My three children, of varying ages, laughed only once during the 78 hours, I mean minutes, this film darkened our screen. Of course, this was because of a farting scene, the highlight of this movie. This low budget film costs too much for what you get and what you are hoping for: entertained children. Save your sanity and do not watch this movie.

Available now on DVD & VOD

 

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