[yasr_overall_rating]
Do the job. Get the money. Get the girl. Get the kid. Simple, right?
A clever country thief pulls off one last heist so he can pay his outstanding debt to a local gangster (read Strip Club Owner) who wants to pay his outstanding debt to the local corrupt cop. There’s also a bit where our Clever Thief involves his ex to help her get enough money for a custody battle. Then there’s a bit where a police officer corrupts his soul by aiding the robbery at the behest of his religious wife (who’s banging some random country backwater Guy Fierri looking preacher.) It’s a lot of plot to score through and it highlights several problems I have with this movie.
To begin with, the entirety of the plot is about our protagonists (the aforementioned Carter and June) being on their back feet. What starts as a simple heist devolves into a shootout which devolves back into a heist which devolves into another shootout. The entire time these protagonists are reacting, adjusting, and trying to stay on top of everything. It’s empty plotting designed to spend a bunch of money, explode a bunch of things, and shoot a bunch of people. The kind of plotting that eschews character for intrigue, which if that’s what you’re going for, then fine! Still, “Carter & June”’s plotting broadcasts its twists and turns quite loudly. I think calling this film a ‘comedy heist’ movie’ is a misnomer. Just based on the beats I’d rather stick this in the ‘crime’ film category.
What we’re missing are character scenes. I find it ironic that the most interesting characters are not our protagonists. Carter and June are about as bland and cookie cutter as they come. Instead, I’m curious to watch this hero cop struggle to define his morality as his wife cheats on him and convinces him it’s God’s will to rob a bank. The wife and cheating pastor get a gloriously comedic prayer-sex scene that gives us strong knowledge of who they are (even if they’re not too important to the movie.) Ditto the Gangster, Spencer Rabbit. His opening scene he invites a little girl (we’re talking like 6 or 7) to work at his strip club. Now, he devolves over time so that his character just becomes a foul-mouthed villain (with some clever dialogue.) Carter gets an opening scene that establishes two things: 1. He’s quick-witted and 2. He takes a beating to get what he wants (and maybe 3. He’s good at cutting deals with cops.) Which is all surface stuff. We don’t really get to know Carter until the last thirty minutes when he mentions his dad. June? Don’t even get me started. We’re given a clichéd angry ex-husband scene and that’s it. Voila. June’s in for the robbery.
I’m willing to forgive the shootouts, explosions, and monotonous plotting as that’s just what the movie is about but when you give up characterizations, you give up a lot of interest. Big movies do it, but big movies have the budget to cover that up with big special effects and stunt sequences. Instead, the movie delivers on boobs. Lots and lots of boobs. And guns. Truthfully, the film’s nakedly male gaze unnerved me with a raw lust I haven’t really seen in awhile. It’s one thing to male gaze your female protagonist as their dressing but it’s another thing to male gaze like seven women completely topless. Neither are good, but one is less bad than the other.
Finally, we spend a lot of time trying to establish this movie’s set in New Orleans. It’s on every cop car. It’s in tons of dialogue. It’s this lingering shadow and yet, I didn’t feel like I was in NOLA. It looked like it could be any city in the south.
Anyways, this movie’s your classic gas station DVD. Truckers are gonna love it (for the boobs, guns, and explosions). Some thirteen-year-old kid might have their sexual awakening to it after discovering it on some streaming service. Me? I recommend you pass. Go watch something more interesting.
In theaters Friday, May 18th
