[yasr_overall_rating]
Three career criminals find themselves trapped in a warehouse with the law closing in and an even worse threat waiting inside – a nigh-unstoppable killer dog.
Written and directed by Paul Solet, “Bullet Head,” a so-called crime drama, is a confused mess of a film. It seems like the brain-child of a group of men who got drunk one night and discussed how much they really loved their dogs and wanted to make a movie about dogs but it also had to be full of action-packed badassery. The result is a movie about a formidable dog that has to deal with some sappy dumbasses and a cruel master; all of whom speak clichéd choppy dialogue. How the likes of John Malkovich, Adrien Brody, and Antonio Banderas got roped into this is beyond me. Perhaps this was a “just for kicks” film. “Bullet Head” is by no means the worst film I’ve ever seen, but I wish it was either worse than it was in the “so bad it’s good” sense or far better. It hits at right about tepid and nobody likes tepid.
There’s a “Reservoir Dogs” feel to the film for all of 5 minutes. Three men, two of which are career criminals and one junkie, are holed up in an abandoned warehouse after a “perfect” heist goes left. It quickly becomes clear that the junkie, Gage (Rory Culkin), is to blame. While Gage was the one to inform Stacy (Adrien Brody) and Walker (John Malkovich) of the opportunity for some heavy cash flow, he mucks things up by delaying the rest of the crew so he could nab some pretty pharmaceuticals for himself. So, the three men are stuck and waiting for the heat to die down before they make their getaway. Little do they know, but soon will find out, that there is danger afoot in the form of a highly pissed off canine.
In between keeping the beast at bay, the men slip into moments of reminiscing, particularly about their relationship to dogs. These are meant to be moments that tug at our heartstrings or wow us with quippy dialogue, but they fall flat and turn maudlin. Gage is a kid who had an abusive father, Stacy is the guy who wants the girl, and Walker is the well-worn criminal with words of wisdom and a heart of gold.
Despite these revelations, you aren’t rooting for anyone, except the dog. You want the dog to just rip everyone to shreds for just existing. I wish this film was just an off brand “Cujo.” It would have been more tolerable, acceptable even. But no, it tries to be a heist, a horror, and a love story and it sucks.
Not even Antonio Banderas as a cold-hearted dogfighter gangster could take this to another level. He has a daunting presence but that shrivels away as soon as he opens his mouth. The dialogue kills this film. “Bullet Head” may have worked (maybe even worked well) if Paul Solet disposed of the dialogue in its entirety and trashed those mawkish flashbacks. In some circumstances, you don’t need to know anything about characters to make them interesting.
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